Rap Verse Forums - Defining Illness

Hopeless


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-- Hopeless
 
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Posted by Cinderella
This is inspired by one of my favorite books, The Life History Of A Star. It's called Hopeless:

My head smashes open like a piņata
Scattering the contents of my mind

Cream-filled thoughts and chewy memory centers
Sweet tears of confetti floating towards the ground

Children dash to scoop up my dreams
Unwrapping my fears and licking up my wishes from their fingers

Savouring the sweetness of my hopeless soul
Sucking the flavour from my drained consciousness

Their little fists clutch the empty wrappers
Soon letting them go, swept away by the wind

Lost and forgotten. Hopeless.

Posted by fgee
first time ive ever been in poetry lol
although the imagery of a pinata seemed strange at first
i actually liked the extended metaphor of it..

you have good imagery and packed a thoughtful verse into few bars something i find difficult
good stuff
might check this place out a bit more

Posted by self
Hey :)
I told you already I liked it...but you're a reply whore. :p

You paint a very vivid picture with everything you write. It's so cut throat, sharp, I love it.

La La La.

Posted by Cinderella
More than a week and TWO replies? What's wrong with you people?!?

Posted by DthsMissingAngel
I liked this, I didnt quite understand the pinata at first, but getting into the piece more let me understand it. This had good imagery and you seemed to put your feelings out, how everything seems to be stolen or taken from you. Like everyone takes your dreams and hopes if they want them, as if they were little kids taking candy. At least that is what I got out of it. Overall, good job. I liked it. Keep it up, sorry I didnt reply earlier this was a good read.