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'Paradise'


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Posted by FanTa ZeE
Caution : Before reading this you must understand the moral of this piece is not to create any form of rhyme, see past the structure of the words, breathe between the lines and you will see the underlying reason gives away more than the writing itself.
This piece is simply a manifesto of burning ideas, concepts and preaching..now you know...you are ready...


Raised in a world where not even paradise is perfect,
But simply a cruel manipulation of ones uppmost desires,
A place, despoiled by the all shattering hand of mankind is what we strive to discover,
But out of the ashes rises a monster;
The one that will lead us to the true paradise;

With Blood stained hands....

Another Innocent mind poisoned by the ongoing despair of the human race,
Another naive child facing the toils and toments of their earthly woes alone,
And another criminal to one day be torn apart by their own insanity,
Insanity..at the hand of their own merciless creator...



these are purely ideas, taken from the very essence that inspires a pained, teenage mind to write..experience...i hope to make a poem out of these ideas, where the rhyme scheme and such like will have a greater effect than the present which you have read..but for now, ponder these thoughts...and tell me your veiws....

Posted by Madd Preacher
alright....girl that sounds like some out of mind goth shit....i don't know what goes through your mind...but normal philosophers such as myself tend to think of things in a more rational basis....i understood where you were goin in the first few lines...but when you say some monster rises up to upbring this uncanny, tyrant fuel-driven world....you just lost me...im sorry if you feel your mind has been corrupted...but you should have only grown from your experiences.....i guess thats the difference between you girls and us guys...

igido...

Posted by self
Quote:
Originally posted by Madd Preacher
alright....girl that sounds like some out of mind goth shit....i don't know what goes through your mind...but normal philosophers such as myself tend to think of things in a more rational basis....


God...ignorance. You are blind to the world if you don't think what was just said was truth.

Ignore him.

Posted by Tourniquet
Quote:
Originally posted by Madd Preacher
...but normal philosophers such as myself tend to think of things in a more rational basis....
...but you should have only grown from your experiences.....i guess thats the difference between you girls and us guys...


Im sorry, but you are far from a philosopher if all you take is the rational path... Not to mention your closing statement here.. Jeez.

Posted by FanTa ZeE
no..Madd..i respect your veiws, much as i respect the veiws of you all...what i wrote there was the exact words that flowed throigh my head, as elaborate as they came..whether they are truth, untruth, philosophy or wack..that doesn't matter..its opinionated..and experience varies from person to person..these are individual..i am not asking you to agree with them..i only ask that you take into account the morals..

Thank You

Feel Free To Hate..

Posted by butcher
That was some deep shit and fuck what that dic head mad preacher thinks.

Raised in a world where not even paradise is perfect,
But simply a cruel manipulation of ones uppmost desires,


Another Innocent mind poisoned by the ongoindespair of the human race,
Another naive child facing the toils and toments of their earthly woes alone,
And another criminal to one day be torn apart by their own insanity,

i understood those lines perfectly, it was poetry and it doesnt have to ryme

Vote on my battles @:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104120

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104419

Posted by FanTa ZeE
thanks for your feed, but like i said, Madd is entitled to his opinion.he taught me alot in the early days..he knows..

Posted by Madd Preacher
lol...how come liba is the only one that gets me....BUTCHER...your homo...Word...i had respek for you...but you seemed to have turned soft since i left....and who ever else...doesnt know what writer criticsm is....lmao....WHAT DICK RIDIN CHODES...

:cool: i still love ya liba...dont trip


igido

Posted by The Necromancer
It's all cool, Madd Preacher, I know where you're coming from. Glad to see you back too.

Liba Dee, I also know where you're coming from. I've actually lately been writing peices of streams of conciousness like what you did too. So I know exactly how it goes.

About this peice, what struck me was the first verse. In only that in my mind it immediatly rang a bell in regards to The Beast. Specificly the Beast that is prophesized in the book of Revelations of the holy bible. Because he does the same thing, bring paradise from blood and all that shit.

The second verse reminds me of simply growing up. For every child growing up that's what it's like. My poisoning of my mind of the despairs of the human race was when I found out Santa Clause wasn't real. That's kinda what I got out of it. Just having to grow up and learn your mind and stop being so naive and face reality.

Third verse was an expository perspective of the peice itself, so I can't say much about it other than it leads to something promising.

And no... to whoever said this was some weird goth shit. I can tell you it isn't. I know, and subsequently hate, goths. This aint nothing like that sheiße. Why... she didn't say the word nihilism even once! (lol?)

~Shalom~

Posted by FanTa ZeE
i don't like goths either, not hatin them, just don't do that black, devil shit...i'm a happy person ! :)