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Auspicuous vs. Emerge: topical

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-- Auspicuous vs. Emerge: topical
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Posted by Feeble Minded
topic: I shoulda been ..
read rules.
verses due friday.
check in by wednesday .
post a verse whether or not u think theyll show.

Posted by NewPort

Posted by Emerge
Check...Check...one...one-two....check...one eight seven

Posted by NewPort
im going out on a limb here, n' gon get into this one
so if you get confused or dont understand, just ask.
the light blue is hard to see. just put the curser over
it like you were going to copy it.. you'll be able to see it

I Shoulda Been...

Roland - main character
Miguel - rolands brother
SeaWeed - close friend(goofier of them)
Tiny - close friend(weight-trainer)
Cloud - close friend(most reliable)

Kids When They'd Meet, n' Curvin Comitees
They'd Run The Streets, Of Urban Cities..
5 Males, re-Track The Past, What They've Been Apart Of
Crack Sale, Cops, Guns' Blast.. And Thats Where It Started..





-Chapter One-
RUN! Over That Fence, Round To 44th And Main
Gotta Love The Suspence, Whats Your Name?

Running, I Told Him, Drained Out From The Sound
What Up Roland.. Kids Round Here Call Me Cloud
Whos The One Who Fell? Suttin I Wondered
Thats Miguel.. Hes My Kid Brother

Cloud Didn't Just Use Me, n' Was A Step Behind Me
Then he Introduced Me, To A Built Dude Named Tiny
yet, My Body Bleedin.. My Eyes Backed Into A Haze
So They Treated, The Bullet Wound In My Leg
Did Just To Try, Told Me To Please Breath
An Abnormal Looking Guy, Who Went By SeaWeed
It Was Early Summer, Moved When We Could
They Looked To Eachother, Welcome To The Neighborhood...




-Yonder Chapter-
The Planning
We Grew, Side By Side.. As It Came To Be
An Inserperable Five.. We Ran The Streets
Smoked Pot.. Which Basically Meant Nothing
Ran From Cops.. n' Sold Crack For Rent Money

We Got A Job, They Knew What He Meant
If He Asked, I'd Nod.. n' Listened w/ More Intent

Theres A Truck w. Product.. 18 Wheeled Mack
We're going To Rob It, N' Heres Where We Meet Back
We're The Best Of The Best.. N' I've Saw Worse
so He Haded Us BulletProof Vests.. n' Revolvers
You Wanna Live Right?.. Then Dont Be Shook Kids
Meet Me At Midnight.. Under The Bridge, south End Of Brooklyn..

I Dont Know About This.. It Aint Gon' Be A Breeze
I Doubt It.. Even Death Could Bring Big Men To Their Knees
Its Just One Night.. Or Thats What I Told Him

Your Probably Right.. Thanks For That Roland

Miguel, Your Not Gun' Go.. I Dont Want You At Risk
I'm 22 Years Old.. I Dont Need to Take This Shit
I'll Go If I Want.. My Life, My Shit!
Thats What I Thought..
Roland Felt Silent..

He'd Need Me.. And Ten Minutes Later
I Seen SeaWeed.. Puttin Bullets In The Guns Chamber

I'll Shoot When i Gotta Shoot, Be Out When I Gotta Run
Do What I Gotta Do, To Get this Job Done




-Anticipated Chapter-
The Climax

We Met For Our Seconds.. Everyone Showed
We Gathered Our Weapons.. Together, Close
Discussions We Wont Forget.. It Was The End Of Summer
So We Said Our Good Lucks.. And Wished Well For Eachother

Two Of You With Me.. Other Two w. Roland
You Know Where To Meet.. n' How To Hold Em'
If You Get In Trouble.. Or Filled With Doubt
Dont Be Puzzled.. Get Back To The House
This Shouldn't Be Difficult.. I'd Be Damned B
If It Gets Physical.. Know Ya'll My Family

SeaWeed, Tiny.. Ya'll Ready?.. We Got Them..
Hold Steady..
I Call Shotgun!
We Laughed At His Humor.. Figured We'd Care Now
Reminised Later Than Sooner.. Until We Pulled To The Warehouse

Tiny Pulled The Door Hatch.. Inside The Buildin
It Would Be A War Path.. n' I'd Kill Them
But Silent We Tried.. Slower To Wait
We Attepted To Hide, 2Late,SeaWeed Fell Over A Crate
Men Rushed In.. We Ran For Cover
They Jumped Shit, We Shot for Another
They Were Getting Closer, We Retracted
SeaWeed Jumped Over, n' Ran As A Distraction
I Tried To Stop Them.. n' I Wouldn't Normally
But Not This.. As He Got Shot Right Before Me
Tiny Tear'd.. I Heard Shots On The Other Wall
Filled w. Fear.. I Told Him To Run Or We'd Fall
Everything Mixed Up.. Clips out, Defenseless
I Told Him To Split Up.. But He Was Hit Before-
I Could Finish My Sentence....
Miguel Caught Alarm.. Sending Them Near
I Held The Big Man In My Arms, I didn't Wann be Here..
Your Always With Me.. n' Dodged For Cover
Ran Swiftly.. To Secure The Safeness Of My Brother
My Lungs Moist.. For The Kid I Loved
Miguel At Gun Point, Wouldn't Tell Where I Was
I Paused.. At The Situation Was Called For
In Aww.. Miguel Was At Cloud's Revolver

Last Time.. Where Is He now!?!
You'll Never Find-- He Fell To The Ground



-Ending Sequence-
The Funeral

I Shoulda Been Aware
I Shoulda Been Cautious
I Shoulda Cared
Now I'll Remain Haunted
I Shoulda Never Agreed
I Shoulda Never Popped Shit
I Shoulda Been Free
I Could Have Stopped It
I Shoulda Been un-Persuasive
I Shoulda Been Shot
I Shoulda Been Hated
But What I Shoulda Been Is What Im Not

Posted by Emerge
100 bars?? :confused: lol

Don't Ever Edit My Fucking Posts Again Feeble!
anyway auspicious what I had said before feeble edited my
post, not obeying his own rules, is that i meant it as a joke
and did not intend to sound like im beefing with you....

Posted by NewPort
I got Into it.. eat sumthin

Posted by Emerge
"I should have been"

The story of A famous widow retold and
with another outcome.

Woman is sobbing; crying her heart out.
Remembering all sins she had once commited against her now
late husband. Remembering all the great times they shared.
Alone and shivering in her bathroom tub.

Please tell me why God did this have to happen to me?
Lavishly a nation at our feet we were lacking to see
& I was shagging a fleet, but horrible rumors infest
Truth be told...
...was a sudden pain in my chest, when they ingressed
My actions depicted as evil and I regret my vengenance
Repentance? I put my conscience through death sentence
How foolish I was. . .to justify my actions through hate
Just as soon as he died . . . bitch forfilled her own fate
I rather been mistreated on instead of been cheated on
Beated on, self worth I feel it cursed of sons to be John
Led many to graves but praised he was so cunning & brave
I was a slave to my jealousy cuz he was the newest rage
Remembering the times...when "it was so hard to get her"
For worse or better...
..I never thought I would ever write a "dear john letter"

*Water turns deep red*

Dear John oh I wish with all my soul for Divine Remedy
Sorry children...
...I can't bare being Ms. instead of being Mrs. Kenedy

Posted by Lethargic
This better be good Aus...or I won't be voting...cuz I'll be damned if I'm reading 100 bars if they can't keep me interested.

Posted by Lethargic
Aus: Your flow seemed cut down the middle. Seriously, it was like...every bar was flow..pause...finish. All the way through it. You didn't have great imagery until the end. When they got in the thick of the shit, you started to pick that up. It still wasnt' very in depth though. Great story, it's the only thing that kept me reading. Different approach then I expected on the topic. I expected a death/it shoulda been me topic. However, the way you approached it made it very different. I liked that aspect.

Emerge: Nice flow...Imagery was present throughout the whole piece, but it was faint until the end. Is it just me...or does virtually everyone's Open Mic's nowadays end in death? That's not a bad thing, just would like something different now and then. You likewise had a great story.

Overall: I expected much more from Aus's verse...for the simple fact that it is so long. I liked Aus's approach to the topic more, but I think Emerge put more effort into his piece. maybe if your verse hadn't skipped to different Scenario's so much, it wouldn't have detracted from the piece as much. Not a bad OM Aus...just shoulda been better. I have...

Vote ~ Emerge.

Posted by Emerge
thanks for the vote lethezzie

but ahh I didn't like the whole CBL idea in the first place...and what happens?
i end up being more active than the people who cried and bitched for this league
come on you cock smokers


Posted by Verbal Kent
Vote Emerge... better period... shit was pretty raw... nice twist...

Aus... hum... yo sorry fam that was pretty garbo... didn't make any fuckin sence... to many missin pieces... why is miguel shot by Cloud if that's ya man... naw mean..? what's really goin on... basically it's vague n you didn't get in deep at all... this could've been a hot joint... sorry it's not...

Posted by Emerge
thanks for the votes...

any others???

Posted by Avenge
ok....This was a nice battle...
Aus...that shit was really long but i read the whole thing twice...because it was so damn intersting....
emerge...kid you are sick...flow was on point...topic nice...you ran it well

but i think AUS's verse kept me on the egde of my seat more...with a very good topic...this was a dope battle! but my vote is for aus...


Posted by Emerge
thanks for votes man.... anymore out there?

Posted by rule
Good topical battle.

A- your story was awesome, I enjoyed the detail and indepth descriptions very creative you could see the effort you put into this. great job...this really painted a nice picture

Emerge- You had a great twist on this piece which I thought was extreamly impressive. some very creative lines with a more poetic rhythem. Keep up the good work.

Vote: Ausp. I just felt his story more with the eotion it was very creative,

Sorry emerge you had a great piece but I think ausp. just edged the win.

Posted by Emerge
i vote for me....

yup i win :)

Posted by NewPort
n' i vote for me..

tied once again :)

Posted by Mr.Christensen
As offical crew leader of Acro Nim
I vote emerge
so he wins!

Posted by Emerge
yup... there its done

Emerge = dope

Aus = Novel that is sub dope

Emerge wins




Posted by NewPort
dont make me infect your computer with viruses