Rap Verse Forums - Defining Illness

"Adrenaline Rush"


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-- "Adrenaline Rush"
 
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Posted by Da_Throwdest
as me & my fellow poetry heads walk into the backroom
the crowd erupts into a roaring applause all across the room
1 by 1 everybody walks out onto the stage 2 say they piece
....the crowd each time goes abruptly silent....
the 1st 4 contestants get theirs done & leave the stage in relief
....evabody seems 2 luv the talents that they displayed....
the crowd broke out wippin' tears off on they sleeves
now it'z my time 2 display the skills of poetry i possess
when i walk out on stage all the noises in there went 2 rest
....i realize that all eyes where r on me....
i felt real nervous & it felt like i had 2 go pee
i just took a deep breath & couldn't gain my composure
til i saw my homeboy from the back from ova my shoulder
he told me, "Take Ur Time & Just Do Ur Best Duke"
i started 2 read my poem & got into a rhythm steady
afta i finished my poem da next time i'll feel ready
2 do nethang i front of otha people & dat'z fo sho
....then it was not a sound....
all of a certain the crowd broke into a standin' o real slo
i felt less stressed & alot more at ease
that's my experience wit "Adrenaline Rush" in the life of Da_T

yeah it'z my 1st poem leave ur feedback & let me know what u think

Posted by morse code
struvture kood be worked on , but not a bad drop at all, i will say that youo have elevated greatly compared to your past pieces....personally i hate ebonicz in poetry so tahts the only few thingz i didnt like, also a few linez were definitly streched....nice thoguh, keep elev8ing..................6 or 7/10

-1

*also try to have a better ending next time; to me, poems like this are better open ended

Posted by Da_Throwdest
ight thanx 4 the feedback & i'll make sure 2 take that into consideration uppin 4 more people 2 let me know what they think