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Skies of lies

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-- Skies of lies
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Posted by ....Gone....
I dropped this on another site "411hype.com" I hope i dont get banned for telling you the site?

I'm sitting on the hospital bed with a dangerous disease
bible sitting right next to me, hope another day, i'll breathe
Everyday this disease is etching my life away, but i don't worry
cause I'm getting old, but through life i've done good things
I know my good soul will rest in peace, also heavenly
As i sit back and watch the day go by, i'm ready to die
I'm eager for my soul to reunite with my family up in the sky
I save my tears to show in sympathy with my living family
then i'll put them asisde, so i have more engery die happy
Even though my brain will decintergrate i still cherish the memories
Memories you ask? Then i will give you ONE of the best in my life
I'll tell you my precious memories, before the lights no longer in my sight

MEMORY# 1(reunited with my father)

Born and raised in a foster care home with no one who cares about me
Not even my own parents, that left me on a door step, when i was a baby
Everyday i would sit in my bed, thinking and imagine, did they have any sorrow?
I want to be free, with love by a person..but it will never happen, tears hit the pillow
One morning when i woke up...somthing was different and it felted strange
My foster care mother called my name, when i'd opened my door i saw this man
He was tall and black, lean and fit. He looked down at me, and held out his arms
At the beginning, i was curious. Who is this man? Then i felt this stroke of alarm
It wasn't danger, i looked at his face, he looked like...OMG...the adult version of me
My eyes started to get watery and red, When i for the first time felt his skin i drop to my knees
He holded me so tight, i started losing my breath, then he said somthing that so shocking
Through his deep vocals, he said "my son". From that point. My life started changing


ahh here i come, to heaven, i took a deep breath
close my eyes, show no tears, i dont cry to death
Felt my eyes going daze, show a sad face? No i smile
Showed no sad emotions, i stayed compile
My lips getting cold, and the wheather is not even winter
My head slowly turns...as i faded to death....i see dark linkers
What.? Where's heaven? All i saw was dark
I'd screamed, with anger, it echoed so far
no one heard my screams not even my own dad God!
My soul was alone....there's no heaven nor god DAMN!
So if the bible is a lie, and there's no heaven...
With no one not my dad, my friends...skies of lies

Posted by ....Gone....
It Was A Quick Key Too Damn It !....................

Posted by .Judicial.
deep shit....made me think a lil.......good word usage and vocab...didnt rhyme all the time but didnt need to.........nice drop

Posted by Kawn Flixx
You should SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO drop this in open mics.
This is the dopes I've seen from you.It actually made me read it all.
Made me think on some lines.Thanks for forcin me to read this :)

Posted by Luse Cannon
yea hot shit cause. deep as hell. made me think i should talk to my dad again. vocab was on point. shit had me like damn. keep it up cuz. and btw, didnt know u did poetry

Posted by Kordozar
Good Piece Nice Vocab You Kept It A Little Basic At Some Points But Overall You Did Well On Thiss And Youre Heading Of Each Verse Wass Good...........

Posted by Red Stroke
Yo Nice Piece Cozzin, Vocabulary Was Here, Alos Structure Emotion Weerd It's What It's All About Man, I Give This Piece A 9.8/10 Yo Return The Favor Up In My Sig

Posted by ....Gone....
Uppin For Some More Feedbacks...........................

Posted by ....Gone....
Uppin For Some More Feedbacks Like Dayum...............

Posted by Parallel
i liek the stucture and the creativty, the words were worded well i liekd the imagery and the emotion was decent the flow was alright the syllable count coulda been better but its an ight verse keep it up i like it tho its tight great OM

RTF in my OM Once Upon A Time links in the sig

Posted by Dabatos
wow very nice verse man well poem lol.. i really liked it.. i liked how u sed even wen my brain disinegratess.. you will still have the memories..thats nice.. but i liked the twist at the end.. very good.. the emotion on here was also very nice.. and i could really feel your imagery on here.. 8/10...

plz leave feedback on my poem The most dangerous disease

Posted by ....Gone....
^^ Will do mane..........thanx for the feedback.......i ain't going to stop uppin this until Fluid moon check this out.........

Posted by DQ
You should indeed drop it in OM but expand the last part bit then.

I LOVED the concept of this poem and how it progressed, with the flashback and everything. Emotion was so pure and strong, really felt what you were saying, very good aspect. Another remarkable thing for me was the scene you managed to portray inside my head. I could really see someone laying there, reminscing of the good old days and such...Just love how you put this all together, found a good balance in your vocab and your structure was good as well. I'm definately feeling this poem and enjoyed reading it! Good going man!



Posted by ....Gone....
^^ Bitch.............j/p Thanx For The Feedback..............

Posted by DQ
^Don't talk shit man lolz...

Upping this for Mr.

Featured poem Fluid!!!!